I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
