Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
