I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
