You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
