What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize