ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Alive.
So much puke
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
