I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
