I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
false alarm, still single
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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