No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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