he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
