Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
