just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
