I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
