Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
