around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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