Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
