so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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