Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
