Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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