His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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