You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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