omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you traded sex for a burrito?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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