My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
