He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
