I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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