The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
