Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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