Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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