You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
