No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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