I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You made out with two different species that night
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
