she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
