I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
