he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
