New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
