Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize