Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
