I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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