where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
