You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you would pick up someone in the library
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
