JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize