i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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