Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
