so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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