I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
