I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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