fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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