I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
