i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
