clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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