Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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