Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
