U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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