At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
