it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
