At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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