please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
