I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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