So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
