the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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