did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
