I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
