ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
