Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
