I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
