Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
