First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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