ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
