just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
