It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
