I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
