If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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