My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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