I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
