Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
