so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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