I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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