Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
