i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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