if only i could text you this smell
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
