Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
