At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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