I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You've changed since you got that strap on
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
