I am in a vortex of obligation.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
