see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
