this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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