this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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