In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
