So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
