Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
