am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
