I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
