I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
