Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
