I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
