My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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