remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
