using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize